Best Dad Jokes That Will Have the Whole Family Laughing

Dads are good at so many things, from teaching you how to ride a bike to showing you how to change a tire, and everything in between. They provide a reassuring hand to hold and a strong shoulder to cry on...all with that special sense of humor known as dad jokes. What's a dad joke, you ask? It's that groan-worthy, pun-laden, can't-help-but-laugh type of humor that dads are best at delivering. Sure, there are mom jokes and jokes for kids, but we just can't help but laugh at the one-liners from dear old dad.

Put these so-bad-they're-good best dad jokes of all time to use as Father's Day captions and put a smile on your old man's face this year. Of course, if you'd like to take a more sentimental route, we have plenty of meaningful dad quotes to choose from too.

Best Corny Dad Jokes

• "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."
• "My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward."
• "Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?" "In case they get a hole in one!"
• "Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera."
• "What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?" "They're both Paris sites."
• "What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?" "Sofishticated."
• "How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?" "You follow the fresh prints."
• "If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?" "Pilgrims."
• "I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along."
• "What do you call a factory that makes okay products?" "A satisfactory."
• "Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems."
• "What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?" "Supplies!"
• "Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet."
• "What did the ocean say to the beach?" "Nothing, it just waved."
• "Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?" "Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels."
• "I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y."
• "How does the moon cut his hair?" "Eclipse it."
• "What did one wall say to the other?" "I'll meet you at the corner."
• "What did the zero say to the eight?" "That belt looks good on you."
• "A skeleton walks into a bar and says, 'Hey, bartender. I'll have one beer and a mop.'"
• "Where do fruits go on vacation?" "Pear-is!"
• "I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing."
• "What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?" "Where's Pop Corn?"
• "What's the best thing about Switzerland?" "I don't know, but the flag is a big plus."
• "What does a sprinter eat before a race?" "Nothing, they fast!"
• "Where do you learn to make a banana split?" "Sundae school."
• "What has more letters than the alphabet?" "The post office!"
• "Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut!"
• "What do you call a poor Santa Claus?" "St. Nickel-less."
• "I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind."
• "Where do boats go when they're sick?" "To the boat doc."
• "I don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady."
• "My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!"
• "How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut."
• "Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up."
• "I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
• "What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows."
• "Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"
• "Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired."
• "What did one hat say to the other?" "Stay here! I'm going on ahead."
• "Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones."
• "Dad, can you put my shoes on?" "No, I don't think they'll fit me."

• • "Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot."
  • "What does a lemon say when it answers the phone?" "Yellow!"
  • "This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in."
  • "What kind of car does an egg drive?" "A yolkswagen."
  • "Dad, can you put the cat out?" "I didn't know it was on fire."
  • "How do you make 7 even?" "Take away the s."
  • "How does a taco say grace?" "Lettuce pray."
  • "What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y."
  • "Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain?" "It didn't have the guts."
  • "What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?" "A meltdown."
  • "How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles."
  • "I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction."
  • "What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!"
  • "What does a bee use to brush its hair?" "A honeycomb!"
  • "How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it."
  • "Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!"
  • "What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese."
  • "My dad told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line."
  • "What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!"
  • "How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together."
  • "How did Harry Potter get down the hill?" "Walking. JK! Rowling."

  Best One-Liner Dad Jokes

  • "I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."
  • "A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest."
  • "You think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg."
  • "When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?"
  • "I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know..."
  • "Do you wanna box for your leftovers?" "No, but I'll wrestle you for them."
  • "That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted."
  • "Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them."

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